3 Life Habits That Increase Self-Esteem
It was like an unbearable weight on my shoulders. It was weight that I tried for years to learn how to deal with and handle. I was just never satisfied with being like people around me or who I saw on social media. As an outsider, it looked as though they were all happy, successful, and well liked. I mean who wouldn’t want to be all of those!? But, it just always felt so terribly uncomfortable for me.
Can I be honest with you though? As I reflect, this type of social assimilation really started for me in the 5th grade. I didn’t really make deliberate attempts to put an end to it until I joined the Army in 2010. “Well Jazz, when did you know it was time for a change? How did you know what to do?” The easy answer is that I didn’t; I had no idea what to do. All I knew was what felt right to me. So, instead of being “ladylike” (whatever that really means), I got my hands dirty and did things that would be considered socially masculine like speaking my mind. Instead of following traditions, I followed my heart and made the decision to love who I love and outwardly show it. And, instead of being introverted because I was expected to be as a woman, I chose to be extroverted because that’s who I truly was.
Increase Your Self-Esteem
Don’t Let Imposter Syndrome Win. Be ALL of YOU. Yes, this takes some time, don’t get me wrong! Hell, I’m still working on this myself. In this day in age, I would consider myself witty, bougie & sophisticated, highly intellectual, and a lover of people. Believe it or not, I suppressed a few of those characteristics before because it wasn’t popular. Being witty wasn’t popular amongst my friend group and the boys at school didn’t like it. I found myself trying to be what was popular which led to a result of unhappiness and stunted personal growth in the long run. And, as I said above, it was highly uncomfortable. If people don’t like the way that you are, it’s their loss. You don’t need to reserve your sophistication and outgoing personality for a certain time. It’s who you are. Be that person.
Speak and Converse w/ Confidence: I found this especially necessary in my line of work. The second I speak with a hint of passiveness or uncertainty, folks feel like they can talk over me and/or lessen the value of what it was I said. It’s a weird and complicated balance. If you speak with a tone that’s considered easygoing as a woman, you’re more likely to be “accepted” as well as “tolerated”. But, if you speak in a tone with even just the slightest amount of increased volume, you’re abrasive and unapproachable. Those are the exact terms that have been used against me by the way. At first, it really hurt my feelings. Only recently have I gotten to a stage in my career where I’m just like “oh well.” People are going to be threatened by the confidence and certainty that you speak with. You don’t need to use big fancy words. You just need to speak with a tone that communicates that you have researched, studied, and/or experienced what it is you are speaking on. For me, speaking with confidence has always had everything to do with tone, volume, and word choice used at the right time and the right place. Keep those three things in mind and watch your communication proficiency improve. You’re probably asking, “Jazz, why do I care about the way I communicate?” The answer is plain. You have a lot that you are keeping in your head that people need to hear. You don’t want it to fall on deaf ears, do you?
Seek Growth, always: Growth applies to every aspect of our lives. We must seek growth in our relationships, in our careers, and perhaps the most important, in ourselves. If you’ve been around a while, you know that I am an active and financial member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. My sisters and I have a fitness group chat that we literally converse in daily. It’s been quite the accountability measure to stay focused on our fitness goals. We send pictures of ourselves at the gym, workout plans, recipes, and our small successes that lead to big accomplishments. There are all sorts of workout plans on the website Pinterest. There’s nothing you can’t find there. Pinterest is a great start to find workout plans and recipes. Head to your nearest gym and “get it crackin” as my mother always says. Beyond the physical fitness aspect, we can’t forget about the mental. Honestly, I would argue that our brain needs just as much exercise as our physical bodies. The way that I’ve tackled this is by journaling. I swear by journaling. I write my goals, prayers, and daily experiences (good and bad) in the same journal. I’ve also started using a life planner. That planner includes financial, personal, work, and business goals trackers. It also includes a habit tracker that helps me be accountable for the things I do daily. So, think about it. The mere fact of implementing both physical and mental practices to your life, says that you want better for yourself; it says that you want growth.
All of these habits are ones that I practice every single day. Yes, of course, one or two are prioritized higher depending on what it is I’m dealing with that day. But it’s these 3 that I keep at the forefront of my mind to accomplish my goals, constantly increase my self-esteem, and get to the level of self-love that I owe myself.